At age 65 there is still much to learn and much to be reminded of that you learned before.

Sugar vs vinegar. As a recovered Type II Diabetic I avoid sugar. I like sugar but I also enjoy sour, so vinegar is a nice addition to some foods. But in conversation with loved ones, sugar seems to be a necessity. Vinegar in conversation can sour relationships.

I’ve been rightly reprimanded for the high vinegar content of my posts. So, at age 65, I am still maturing.


I have probably had time to blog a lot more than I have (nary a one!) during this pandemic. COVID-19 has created quite the stir in humanity, excepting my blogging finger.

In my defense, both my wife and I have probably experienced COVID-19. My wife had a slightly worse case than I, exhibiting some of the unique symptoms like the loss of her sense of smell (anosmia), “covid toes”, lethargy, cough, pneumonia, headache, and conjunctivitis. No fever. Neither one of us had a fever. I had pneumonia, some slight headaches, lethargy, a bit of a cough, and that’s it. With each of us, the pneumonia was successfully staved off by a regimen of Prednisone.

But we were never tested. Here in Weld County Colorado, testing has been predominantly, if not exclusively, provided for medical workers, law enforcement, etc. but not for the general public. I believe only those hospitalized with COVID-19 symptoms were tested, outside of those listed above, and even then there were too few tests for everyone hospitalized. Because my wife and I were never hospitalized, we were never tested.

We’ll have to wait for antibody testing to know for sure, in spite of being very positive (pun intended) we had it! Besides, our county was one of the top counties for cases in Colorado. My city had the most in the county. My doctor told me the city was a “hot bed” for COVID-19, so I would not be surprised if an antibody test came back positive.

In the meantime, I’ve successfully offended, or in some small way injured the sensibilities of, many family members by some posts on Facebook. They. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

Objectivity is more reliable than subjectivity. Facts over belief. While I’ve been accused of being an empiricist, empiricism has only been a focus to highlight the unreliability of myth/belief/subjectivity. I am an empiricist when it is appropriate AND when it’s possible. Sometimes it’s neither.

And I do have an imagination, but the logical razor of the friar William of Ockham serves me well.

And with my wonderful imagination, I can picture divers ways to torment my believing family, if I were actually prone to be a tormentor. But I’ll stick to the drier posting of facts from time to time, instead. Maybe, just maybe I will succeed in breaking the familial chain of belief and forge new links of skepticism, logic, and evidence. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

I imagine it would be!

A Crossroad

My posts seem to cause discomfort to believing family and friends. I suspect they experience a combination of confirmation bias, cognitive dissonance, and the backfire effect. This is a deadly combination and they’ve mostly tuned me out.

A change is in order on my part.

My crossroad.

Critical thought

Traditionally, critical thinking has been variously defined as follows: ‘The process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and evaluating information to reach an answer or conclusion.’ ‘Disciplined thinking that is clear, rational, open-minded, and informed by evidence.‘” – dictionary definition

“Indoctrination often refers to religious ideas, when you’re talking about a religious environment that doesn’t let you question or criticize those beliefs. The Latin word for ‘teach,’ doctrina is the root of indoctrinate, and originally that’s just what it meant. By the 1830s it came to mean the act of forcing ideas and opinions on someone who isn’t allowed to question them.” – dictionary definition

Is there any reason to not think indoctrination, particularly religious indoctrination, can damage the ability to think rationally? Is there any wonder many studies indicate the religious are slightly less intelligent than the nonreligious?

No, I’m not saying the religious are stupid. Not at all! The difference might be so small that it’s compensated for by a margin of error, but 83 studies? It does bear further investigation. Some, um, er, critical thought? Maybe?

Recently I had a series of conversations with a believer. It was completely unfruitful. This believer redefined words to support belief and refused to consider factual evidence or to employ reason.

Conversations with believing family members result similarly. Evidence is ignored or redefined in manners more conciliatory to belief. The indoctrination runs deep.

I left belief after a 14 month reading project. Going from Mormon to atheist was a rapid progression. However, getting to that reading project took a bit over 58 years.


But, now atheist, have I actually “wised up”? Hmmmmm…

That remains to be seen!

In conjunction with my post, you might also wish to read a post I just read by an atheist friend of mine here. My post and his go hand in hand. He’s a much better writer than I. I have much to learn.

Facebook again

Here is a recent Facebook post of mine. So far, only my sister in-law has responded. In a comment she challenges me. Read this first comment if hers and the subsequent thread, down to my promise to craft an answer.

This will be that answer. It meanders (as is my wont).

Damaging ideologies

I would like to have everyone read “Sapiens: A Brief History of Human Kind” and let reader draw their own conclusions but that would be me dodging an opportunity. Go ahead and read it, though! It’s a wonderful book, provoking a lot of thought, at least in my case.

But allow me to meet my obligation and offer an answer. What is a damaging ideology? My own opinion is any ideology that creates a group of followers that consider themselves different or, worse yet, special. This creates an “us vs them” scenario. Many bad things, up to and including murder, are committed in the name of that ideology. Many times the ideology itself does not promote these bad things. Sometimes the ideology even proscribes against these bad things!

So, in three words, in my opinion, damaging ideology reduces to “us versus them”.

Cult specialists understand damaging ideologies quite well. What about major religions? In my own opinion, they are just generally accepted cults, but cults nonetheless.

My beef is with the Mormon church specifically, having been born into and raised under it’s ideological umbrella. My thoughts can be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Several more of my blog posts could contain thoughts regarding ideologies, damaging and obsolete.

My preference with regard to ideologies is to choose reality, as best as I can determine it to be, realizing I have many leftover biases from years of Mormon (and other) indoctrination.

So much wind.

For more than three years I have voiced my opinions regarding The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to my church member family and friends. They cannot see what is patently obvious to any objective observer. My words just drift off with the wind.

So much wind.

My efforts have engendered the backfire effect, for sure. I knew they would but I kept throwing those words into the wind, nonetheless. The passion driving the words overcame my normally judicious nature, unfortunately. Now my family members, at least a couple, admit they choose faith in the face of contrary evidence.

Reading recent studies regarding specific testing during “spiritual” moments leads me to understand the basis for them lies in the brain. The science is new as are the discoveries. I look forward to what comes next, with great anticipation.

Yet, despite my passion, objectivity remains my domain alone. Familial cognitive dissonance dissuades the use of objectivity. Their confirmation bias ensures what is observed and accepted is only what confirms beliefs. This situation (belief) can even damage the ability to think rationally (modern studies suggest). So, they will continue to believe.

In spite of evidence.

How can they be so blind?

Then I remember. I was blind, too. Off and on (mostly on) for 61 years I believed.

In spite of evidence.

You see, my preference now is for objectivity. And in the presence of familial declarations based in faith, the onus is on them to provide the evidence and the reason the evidence is evidence. Extraordinary claims (the supernatural, aka the “spiritual”) require extraordinary evidence.

I’ll wait for that evidence and fewer will be the words I toss into the wind…

Just note that wind storms pop up occasionally. 😁

The Passion


The bulk of my family is trapped in a cult and I have been passionate in my efforts to extract them! If you’ve followed my story, you know this cult to be The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was once trapped, as well. Unlike my trapped family, the Church ejected me.

And I became free.

And my passion burned hot. I would show my family the way out! Free them.

But they don’t want to be out.

In spite of any evidence contrary to Church beliefs and teachings, in spite of historical problems, in spite of current bigotry, they want to believe. They choose this belief system instead of the tons of contrary evidence, in spite of bigotry.

So be it. They can have it.

My passion has been quelled.

But I will remain and be available when those niggling, pesky questions come up. This Age of Information almost guarantees the questions.


Returning to my Return to Faith

For Continuity.

The breakdown:

  • Faith is not the scientific method.
  • Faith is trust in something or someone or confidence in something or someone.
  • Faith is something less than knowledge regarding what is not seen but hoped for.

In my opinion, the religious use the word faith with the preceding and silent word “blind”. It’s effortless. When in doubt, have more faith! When a crisis arises, have more faith! When new learning contradicts doctrine, have more faith!

Blind, blind, blind!


Well, until cognitive dissonance rears its ugly head!

We have three concepts at play here. The first is confirmation bias. This “protects” our core self, our core beliefs. As we perceive and then interpret events around us, confirmation bias draws our attention to that which confirms our core beliefs and “hides”, if you will, that which contradicts the same. For an example, this is a reason the religious believe a god hears and answers prayers. You’ve seen this on television newscasts I’m sure! Some horrific accident happens and a loved one is not injured severely and quickly recovers, in answer to prayer.

But we then notice there was the loved one of someone else involved and they died. No miracle for them, no answer to prayer or, at the very least, not the answer sought for. Fickle god or serendipity?

You decide.

Confirmation bias is my contention.

Oh, God needed them! Um, how do you know? God sent you a letter? An e-mail? Anything physical? No? It was just a feeling? You just know it? How?!?!?

Confirmation bias.

The other side of the coin is that we neglect to track all the unanswered prayers! They do not confirm our bias! We “forget” the many times we did not get an expected answer. Think about it. Honestly. How many have we forgotten?

I mentioned a second concept, cognitive dissonance, above. This is the very uncomfortable feeling one gets when confronted by contrary evidence to a core belief. We then do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g and e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g we can to ameliorate that discomfort! We rationalize, minimalize, or just plain ignore the cause of our discomfort.

We can become blind to the fact discomfiting us.

Cognitive dissonance.

The third concept I wish to put forward for consideration is tribalism. Why do we believe what we believe? Parents, extended family, local teachers all play a part in our tribalism. Babies are born with no knowledge of any god, religion, politics or any other tribally based teaching. They get this because of where they are born geographically and to whom they were born (or raised, as in the case of adopted infants) locally.

I was born to parents in North America, in the United States of America, in the State of Utah who were practitioners of the faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and who descended from parentage who were also practitioners of the same faith.

That’s why I was a Baptist!

Seriously, no. That’s why I was also a practitioner of the Latter-day Saint faith. Parents to children. Tribal knowledge passed down, generation to generation. My chances of actually being a Baptist or adherent of any other faith would be very, very slim until I reached adulthood and chose for myself.

So, please consider for yourself why you believe what you believe. Was it tribal knowledge? No? Really? You say you’ve had “confirmation” from “spiritual experiences” that have let you “know” your faith is factual?

Are you certain your interpretations are not due to tribal knowledge indicating the how of your interpretations? You know, if you see this or hear that or think this or feel that, the experience is from God or is “spiritual”?

Until you can provide objective evidence to confirm your claim, it’s not factual. It’s not what you think (or feel) it is.

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

You do realize that with the sheer number of faiths/religions/belief systems that we, as humans, no longer (if ever!) rely on objectivity. Some few do, but not as a whole. We’re tribal.

Mormons, Catholics, Muslims, Hindus, Taoists…

Americans, Russians, Chinese, Europeans, Indians, Africans, Scandinavians, Oceanics…

Utahns, Coloradans, Texans, Alaskans, Georgians…

Holts, Weights…


When, in fact, we are all…


Once we can appreciate our tribalistic differences along with the same in others, we can better appreciate our own humanity and appreciate it more than what differentiates us tribally, culturally. Maybe even start using objectivity to better navigate life together as a single species. Maybe make this world a better place, reduce division, be better stewards.

Not be blind.

(I know, I waxed very philosophically at the end! I just got caught up in the whole concept. I’m human. smiley emoticon)

Think About It

This will be tough! I, in this post, will ask the true believing reader to pause for thought. I will ask the true believing reader to do the opposite of what we do when reading fiction; suspend disbelief. What I will require instead will be thought and common sense. Realize, though, that what I write here only touches the topic lightly.

Right. Here we go.

What is my purpose?

To overcome confirmation bias and inspire some cognitive dissonance.



Until we all can apply our wonderful brains, belief in mythologies cannot be overcome!

If I have not lost you already, let’s start.

The whole idea that religion is valid i.e. contains the “truth”.

Creationists (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is one; see D & C 77:6) are at odds with archeological and/or scientific evidence. Joseph Smith, Jr. stated the full temporal existence of the Earth will be 7000 years in total.

Really? Think about that.

Science tells us the Earth is 4.543 Billion years old. The Moon is 4.53 Billion years old. The Solar System is 4.571 Billion years old. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, is 13.51 Billion years old.

Which is right? How can we decide?

We (I speak as a former member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) believe scripture because it comes from God through His Prophets. God has said, more than once, the Earth is less than 7000 years old. We pray about it and feel good (spiritual witness), so we decide it’s true.

Easy. That’s all it takes!

But wait. Just how many religions are there? Roughly 4,200. Why? Because each one feels a little differently about some belief or multiple beliefs than the rest. Apparently, god(s) does not/do not speak the same things globally. Weird. One would think a supreme being could overcome this.

Ah, but there’s faith. We just have to have faith this supreme being knows what’s best for us. My own guess is that confusion is the preferred state the SB wishes to keep us human subjects in. I mean, if we had no differences in beliefs, what need would there be for faith? Faith keeps us from thinking too much, from needing all the answers.

At this point, we see why religion impedes the progression of knowledge. At this point, we see how religion encourages a man-made hierarchy that suppresses the believing masses and exalts themselves. We see how regions are nothing more than man’s tendency toward tribalism (grouping into social units of shared values and beliefs) and selfishness.

Then we have science. Some talk about science as a thing. It is not. It is a method. It is the best method to date that mankind has created to gain actual knowledge. The scientific method is a series of steps followed by scientific investigators to answer specific questions about the natural world. It involves making observations, formulating a hypothesis, and conducting scientific experiments.

The (generic) steps of the scientific method are as follows:

  1. Observation.
  2. Question.
  3. Hypothesis.
  4. Experiment.
  5. Results.
  6. Conclusion.
  7. Evaluation and refining the experiment until results are consistent.
  8. Statement of theory.
  9. Communication and peer review.

Can we be wrong using this method? Absolutely! We often are. Not just that but one favorite activity scientists enjoy is disproving accepted theories! It’s how we advance in knowledge. It works. It self-corrects.

Using the scientific method over a few centuries of observation, our knowledge of our planet, solar system, galaxy, and the universe has advanced tremendously. Meanwhile, faith has kept us stationary using knowledge up to thousands of years old.

This is why religion declares the Earth is less than 7000 years old.

Think about it.

The excommunication of Sam Young

This brought back memories. The steely gaze of my Stake President, signifying to me his decision had already been made and the purpose for a Disciplinary Council was moot. In a prior one-on-one interview with him, he declared the next level in authority above him (Area Seventy, specifically a member of the Church’s 6th Quorum of Seventy) encouraged my excommunication. I imagine the Area Seventy had received counsel, as well, from his peers and maybe some from those in even higher authority.

So this decision was, seemingly, not entirely “local”. Nor was it the result of counsel (the High Council and Stake Presidency). It was predetermined.

It wasn’t just my Stake President’s steely gaze, either. It was his cold, business-like vocal tone. No love. No concern. Just, essentially, “good riddance”! And how can I know he was happy to be rid of me?

This man, who spiritually assassinated me, who took away all eternal blessing and promises, saw me with my wife and my sister-in-law at Costco before Christmas the same year I was excommunicated and he called to me, mistaking my identity and using the name of some other church member. And when he realized his error, well, after I corrected him and extended my hand to shake his in a friendly greeting, he guided his wife away from the aisle we were in and speedily left the area. No apologies for the mistaken identification. No further greeting. He just exited, stage left, as fast as he felt he could go without drawing too much attention to himself! His wife looked back a couple times in confusion. I suspect he explained to her later.

So, Sam Young (and my dear reader). This is not Christ’s church. Godly men do not walk its “hallowed” halls. Godly men do not sit at the helm.

It’s a corporation, with billions in real estate and business holdings. The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve can live for quite some time on those investments, with or without any further donations from church members. Society and its issues do not dictate the church’s direction. Membership does not have its privileges.

While you (Sam) and I have left (been forcibly kicked out, rather), the church will go on.

And so will its abuses. For now. Maybe, just maybe, “god” will drop a clue into Russ’ head and the policy will change. But not any time soon.

To quote an infamous malignant narcissist in today’s political scene who tweets in the wee hours of the morning nearly every day, “Sad.”

Man cannot change the church. Only “god” can. (Well, in my opinion, it’s all a myth and man-made, so the pretense of revelation will come down from the top in due time, as I said above. Probably when all the “heat” from the furor you inspired, Sam, dies down.)

I leave it to you, reader, to decide for yourself:

Link to a short (13 minutes) recording taken by “Alma” at Sam Young’s Disciplinary Council. This is the portion of the meeting where the Stake President reads the charges.

Link to the recording I made of my own Disciplinary Council. Link to my story on Link to the Facebook post that led to my interviews with the Bishop, Stake President, Area Seventy, and eventual excommunication.


Note 1: As of right now, there are Sam Young Aftermath - quitmormon resignation requests submitted and waitingresignation requests that have been sent into church headquarters from alone to be processed. That would be, roughly, a full Stake. Yesterday there were nearly one thousand submitted and in legal review after Sam’s letter was read.

Kick out one honorable man and, in a single day, hundreds follow willingly! Well done, leadership. Well done!

Note 2: To learn more about what Sam Young stands for, please visit his site and click on the “Read The Stories” link. You’ll come to know why Sam was and remains so outspoken. This is his personal blog, as well.

Note 3: Comment! Please! Do not just “hit and run”.

More, on manipulative organizations

This site, needing translation for us English readers (your browser can do it), offers a quiz for evaluating how manipulative any organization one might belong to might be. I took it and answered regarding my years of membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You could compare the questions with all the things I have posted on this blog regarding cults, aka manipulative organizations.

Screenshots of my answers to the quiz.

Your answers will surely differ from mine on some points. One possible reason might be that people in manipulative organizations seldom realize they are in one.

“The cult member doesn’t believe that he or she is in a cult. Instead, he or she believes they have achieved a privileged status in an elite group which offers them ultimate salvation.”

“Your attempts to save them from the group ring hollow or sound nefarious.” – Sam Smith

It takes something powerful to enlighten them. It took something powerful to force me to see.

Anyway, let’s see where we differ and maybe explore why. Are you game? Answer in the comments.

Return to Faith

Not what you’re probably thinking! I am not getting re-baptized or doing any such thing. I am, though, returning to the topic of faith.

Here is my last treatise on the subject. Take time to read or re-read it. I’ll wait.




Now read this. I’ll wait again.




For now, I am going to leave both “out there” without further comment (unless no one comments, per my usual experience!) awaiting comments from readers. Another post, in a while, will explore this topic further.

Muddled thoughts

What is the difference between me, a former Mormon and believer, and many (well, most) of my believing Mormon family members? What would make me leave the community wherein I was raised and go against all I was taught (well, rather than leave, get myself excommunicated)? How could I dash all the hopes and dreams of my family? How could I break the trust?

It’s not a small thing to be excommunicated for apostate behavior. Temple recommends can be denied believing members for simply associating with apostates. I am a risk to my believing family.

This (my unbelief) is certainly my own perspective. I can provide evidence to support it. My believing family can only provide feelings. They’ve been taught feelings provide all the proof they need to support beliefs. I was taught the same.

Feelings. What kind? Well, here is a talk by a current high placed leader. Read it. Watch it, if you wish. Please point out any actual evidence his interpretations are factual. Please. In my mind, he is just using what he was taught to interpret in the manner he was taught.

There is no evidence.

However, cognitive and neurological science are delving into physiological responses and their causes. “Burning bosoms”, elevation, frisson, goosebumps, etc. These things have many causes, not just “spiritual” experiences. But many are taught that these are evidence of the “Spirit” working in us.

How do we know when the cause is “spiritual” and when it is not? What. Is. The. Evidence? Is there evidence?

I’ve said it several times outside this article in other conversations and so I will need to say it here. The sensations are common to all mankind. It’s the interpretation that differs! Each sect has traditional interpretations passed down generation after generation. This is why we have thousands of religions. Interpretation.

The experiences do not differ. Mankind shares in wonder and the unknown. We react with feelings. And we interpret. No real evidence. No supernatural being or force leaves an undeniable and unambiguous physical signature.


Show me an undeniable and unambiguous physical evidence that an experience is “supernatural” and not the result of interpretation and I will take all this back.

Think about it. Really think.

And keep an eye on what fascinating things cognitive and neurological science are bringing to light.

Zarahemla Branch

A meeting in March 2018

Suggested starting and ending points: 7:30 to 1:28:00 (at 1:17:30 there is an Elder Joseph F. Smith, who is self-deprecating as he begins, with some humorous incidents along the way). Go ahead and watch the whole thing, if you wish. At 1:38:13 begins a section of Q&A. I like that they counsel self-determination of the “truth” of the subject presented earlier and do not necessarily endorse it from the pulpit. 2:32:45 is about the end. The recording finishes at 2:38:51.

Do some digging on their website (note: link removed due to website no longer existing but here is a link to a member with an auspicious Mormon surname). “Feels” somewhat familiar, in parts, doesn’t it, dear family and other LDS readers? Post your comments, please! It’s so hard to read your minds! Impossible, in fact. Please comment.

…and we’re back!

Dr. John Dehlin (Mormon Stories podcasts, Open Stories Foundation, etc.) interviewed Steven Hassan M.Ed. LMHC, NCC recently. Here are the two parts:

Part 1: Mormon Stories #938 What the Mormon Church Can Learn From Cults to Do/Be Better

Part 2: Mormon Stories #939 What the Mormon Church Can Learn From Cults to Do/Be Better

Please watch both, all the way through (I know, they are not short! Take your time. Break them up.).

Comments here are eagerly sought and welcomed!

It didn’t work for me or, how to win at leadership roulette

Let’s begin here. Please read it, first. I will wait 🙂

I dissented in a single Facebook post, back on January 31, 2016. After that I um, er, “won leadership roulette“. My Stake President couldn’t get the idea out of his head that I, via my FB post, was “teaching” false doctrine when I was, in fact (and I should know because I am the only person who can determine what my intent was), offering a declaration of my status of belief at the time. Read the post. Do I “teach” anything besides doing one’s own homework? The result of his stubbornness (encouraged by our local Area Seventy which was admitted to by my Stake President) was my excommunication. The story is here, including a link to the audio of my “disciplinary council” aka my excommunication “hearing”.

Beware dissent, dear Mormons! Beware.

The Real Danger of Tribal Mythology

I just read about a woman who committed suicide. It seems she was very anxious over leaving the LDS Church AND very concerned about family (how she might be treated because of leaving). I am so sorry she felt so anxious. So anxious her life meant so little.

But this is real. Especially real today. Why?

We seem to be becoming more “tribal” and not just that, we’re more polarized in our tribes. “Us” versus “Them”, to the nth degree!

Religion is tribal. Very tribal. But it deals in belief. All religions do possess truth, tribal truth. But fact? Not so much, else why are there so many?

My lifelong tribe has been “Mormonism” (a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or LDS Church). Mormon tribalism is particularly strong in the “Us” versus “Them” ideology because they claim to be the one true church of God. Strongly.

This woman had real concerns, enough so that the resulting anxiety majorly contributed to her suicide. That is so very sad to me. It’s a tremendous loss.

All because of an ideology. Not because of fact.

That is why I eschew belief in the presence of fact. Fact is unaffected by belief. It is self-sufficient. One might not believe the fact, but the fact remains unaffected and is still factual.

But there are so many belief systems globally! Thousands! They persist. Why?

I don’t know, for sure. I might guess that tribal myths are what help keep us members in good standing in our particular tribe, and we humans value being members in good standing. So we pass along the tribal myths to our children. The myths persist. That’s my guess.

We could debate the values of tribes. We could debate the downsides of tribes. And we have, collectively speaking. But tribes persist.

What if we could eventually get to the point of membership in a single, human, tribe? What if belief systems were replaced by critical thought? Now think about this woman who committed suicide, would it have happened? We can’t know for sure but it is certain it would not have happened for the reasons it did!

Religion is nothing more than tribal myths, passed down from parents to children, with various transitions from one tribe to another from time to time.

Today, though, we are seeing more transitions OUT of mythology altogether, and that gives me hope (go check out Pew Research for details, or the Freedom From Religion Foundation)!

Update on TKR update

The new knee is improving every day. Pain levels were never an issue, after the first couple days home. I took myself off the opioid painkillers as soon as I could and have been off them for weeks now. Tylenol is all I use.

My physical therapists push me, hard! At the same time, they are respectful and listen, understanding when I have reached a limit I cannot exceed at the moment. Three weeks ago I had trouble at 40 degrees of flexion. 108 degrees is my current limit.


The actual limit of my new knee is supposed to be between 120 and 130 degrees so I am very near to accomplishing full flexion.

This has gone so much better than I ever hoped!

As for my religious posts, the familial response still sucks but I expect that. I have stopped religious oriented posting on Facebook altogether. I am sure family is appreciative.

smiley emoticon

TKR Update

About a month and a half ago, two posts ago, I said the following:

"Having been a member of the LDS Church,
it would normally be an expectation that
such a procedure be prefaced with a
Priesthood Blessing for the success of my
procedure. Of course, having been
excommunicated, it’s not really expected.
I doubt anyone at church or even in my
family will be asking if I want a blessing."

"And I don’t."

"It’s all a myth (religion). I trust in
medical science. I also know that things
can and do go awry but I fully expect to
wake up in recovery and to begin the hard
and painful work to complete making the
replacement successful. In the case I do
not awaken in recovery as planned, I have
lived a good life! I have a great
posterity but do wish they would look
deeper into the mythological roots of
religious belief. I really do! If my time
is up, there is no more time, at least
for me. But there are no regrets. I will
leave behind a great legacy (family) that
I have loved (still do!) deeply."

"Now, not to be maudlin, I fully expect

"And to be writing more blog posts.
Aren’t you lucky?!?!?"

Here’s my update.

Without the assistance of magical or supernatural means (Priesthood blessing), my recovery has been much better than my first TKR ten years ago (I had a Priesthood blessing that time). Part of that is due to advanced knowledge and techniques, I am sure, over those ten years. Bottom line, no magic was needed. I trusted medical science. I trusted my surgeon.

Now, a separate update. Something completely different. Some may note a sardonic tone. They may be right.


It’s become more of a nuisance than an advantage. Yes, it’s great for keeping up with family, especially kids and grandkids (photos). I thought it might help family dialogue about my transition out of the LDS Church. Yes, I thought it might help answer their questions while, at the same time, give me an outlet to express the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing.

Few were interested. None really wanted to discuss, as far as I can tell, without trying to reel me in, “back to the fold”.

There is only one difference, in my opinion, and observation, between my conclusions derived from my knowledge of Church issues and the conclusions of family and friends who also have knowledge of the same issues. I deem my conclusions rationally derived. I deem theirs heavily influenced by faith. I try to follow the evidence, wherever it leads. I think they follow their faith and discard contrary evidence.

My own judgment, to be sure. It might seem harsh but it is what it is.

And no family members seem interested enough to talk with me, at least for any length of time. They get too offended, I suppose, or too aggravated. I call it cognitive dissonance. I am not sure what they call it.

So, I am “vacationing” from Facebook. My return is TBD.

I am sure family will be grateful.




the action of deceiving someone.

“obtaining property by deception”

a thing that deceives.

“a range of elaborate deceptions”


deceit, deceitfulness, duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, cheating, trickery,

chicanery, deviousness, slyness, wiliness, guile, bluff, lying, pretense, treachery;

informal crookedness, monkey business, monkeyshines

“they obtained money by deception”

LDS lesson on honesty.

From LDS essay on plural marriage:

After receiving a revelation commanding him to practice plural marriage, Joseph Smith married multiple wives and introduced the practice to close associates.

From the “History of the Church”:

“What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one.”

Deception? Fraud?


One Is The Lonliest Number

Or, another jumble of thoughts. I hope you can follow them!

My third great-grandfather, James Holt, was a convert to Mormonism, during the time the Saints had built the City Beautiful.


Joseph Smith’s time.

I have communicated with other Holt descendants from different lines who refer to James with the descriptor “the Mormon”. Joining this new movement had put him at odds with his family, with his dad. Eventually, however, he and his father would reconcile.

As much as Mormonism touts families are forever, it also divides them. Only with understanding can some rifts be mended, as was the case for James. He doesn’t say much in his autobiography about it but he had to have known and conversed with the “prophet”, Joseph Smith, Jr., as well as his family. James was truly converted and lived out his life faithfully, at the expense of his father’s family. I am sure he wished his father and siblings could have accepted the teachings of the Church. I think some may have eventually or, he at least had some in-laws who were members. He was not totally without family who shared his beliefs.

Thankfully I have family members, also, who no longer believe in Mormonism. Like James, we are breaking new ground into a different way of thinking than our predecessors. I think I have a better understanding of James and how he may have felt, breaking new ground and breaking familial hearts.

To us, his descendants and faithful Mormons, James is revered. To other related Holt’s, he’s James “the Mormon”. They might as well say “the deluded”. Their attitudes, at least of some of the older Holt relatives with whom I’ve communicated, insinuate such. They were polite when I told them I was Mormon, too. But I could tell what was behind their politeness.

Now I find myself apart. Like James, I think and believe in a manner different from my family. At least most family members. In 2013, while still a faithful member of the Church and with a responsible “calling”, I embarked on a course of study. As a missionary years before, I made a goal to study church history more completely and more deeply than is usually taught in church curricula.

And so I did, fulfilling my goal.

What I learned was unexpected. What I learned was the Church could not be “true”. In expressing my knowledge (as opposed to any “belief”), I fell into disfavor with my ecclesiastical leaders. I was accused of apostate behavior and asked to retract what I had said in my expressions of my current state. How could I? It would be a lie. So I politely declined.

And was excommunicated.

My wife and I do not discuss my situation. Her parents asked me once what it was that caused my disaffection and once I began, they changed their minds about wanting to know more.

With all but a very few, my conversations with family seldom touch on my disaffection. My posts on social media garner responses similar to this, “Thanks, that was interesting. But here is my testimony. I still love you.”

They don’t understand how that feels. But, let’s speak of feelings, in a different light.

Feelings. Emotions. These are demonstrably unreliable for fact-finding. For proof. And yet that’s what works, it seems, for believers. If it feels good, it is true.

I approach things more and more often with objectivity. And I am accused of empiricism as if it is a bad thing.

But am I devoid of emotion? No. Do I trust it? Sometimes. Is it valuable? Sometimes. Maybe as more of a guide.

Can feelings prove the truth of anything? No.


Ask yourself how many ideologies there are in the world? How many religions. How are they “proven”? Do adherents “feel” their chosen path is true? Are these feelings all the proof they need? Do these proofs conflict with other religions and ideologies? Indeed, they do!

Here is where my “empiricism” might be helpful. Objectivity.

There are “visionaries” in the family. Church members are encouraged to have and recognize “spiritual” experiences. So in having such, rather than empiric discovery or investigation, the answer has been taught. It was spiritual! What else could it be?

What else, indeed?

The real problem is that my family won’t look at things empirically. It’s always the eye of faith. Because that is what they have been taught. Even those who ARE knowledgeable about the things I studied maintain faith. They revere “spiritual” experiences. It’s all the proof they need. I know. I used to value them, too. I had some myself.

But I have learned there are other explanations. Natural ones. Not spiritual.

But it ends up in spite of mounting evidence from objectivity, science, empiricism; faith.

I should understand why. I was as they are. What makes me different?

I am not sure.

Whatever it is, it also makes me alone.